The Havoc of My Wounded Heart

This is a poem/song I never finished the music to. I wrote it a few years back when I was dealing with the effects of PTSD as a result of being an adult survivor of Childhood sexual abuse. We must never minimize evil. WE must never minimize suffering-even our own. Instead we must grieve it, express our feelings about over and over in the healing process.

The Havoc of My Wounded Heart
Matthew Creamer 2011

Tossing and turning, freezing and burning, fighting all those pictures in my mind.
Constantly yearning, but never quite learning, who’d have ever thought love could be so unkind.
And if it’ll really “all be OK?” Why can’t I sleep till the signs of day?

And if I cry tonight, will You heal my wounded heart?
But if I lie tonight, will You heal my wounded heart?
If I defy the night, will You heal my wounded heart?
And if I die tonight, will You ever heal the havoc of my wounded heart?

Quietly screaming, can’t stop the dreaming- shadows of the darkness in my soul.
Desperately needing, but never believing-looking for a way out of this hole.
And if it’s all “only in my mind,” why can’t it easily be left behind?

And if I cry tonight, will You heal my wounded heart?
But if I lie tonight, will You heal my wounded heart?
If I defy the night, will You heal my wounded heart?
And if I die tonight, will You ever heal the havoc of my wounded heart?

Wrenched by the sadness, seized by the madness, swirling down the spiral into space.
Numb to the gladness, scared of the sadness, scars that have been healed should be erased. What would it feel like not to feel? What would it feel like to feel at all?

And if I cry tonight, will You heal my wounded heart?
But if I lie tonight, will You heal my wounded heart?
If I defy the night, will You heal my wounded heart?
And if I die tonight, will You ever heal the havoc of my wounded heart?